once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”
"Not everyone you lose is a loss."
"7 Billion of smiles, and yours is my favorite."
so i have a friend and he just had sex then he said that when he was about to release, he pulled out of the girl and he quite panicked and there was a potted plant beside the couch so he went there and came onto the plant
ever since then, we call him “fertilizer man”
(Source: surprisebitch, via jellybeansandgumballs)
Trying to stay awake in a boring class